remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
