3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
