im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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