i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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