How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize