when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
