He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize