4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
