peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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