I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
