Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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