i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I will pee on everything he values.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
