now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
