I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
