I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
