dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize