chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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