Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
