How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
