u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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