So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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