i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
