its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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