i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
