i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He told me they were just razor bumps!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Your cock deserves a montage
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize