you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
