Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
