She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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