Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
