If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
