When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
