I'm drive I can fine osifer
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
