Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
