I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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