So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
