so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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