im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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