i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
