remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize