She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
