I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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