This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
