FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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