His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
