no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
