Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
