you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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