If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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