did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
