Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
