lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
