On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I lost the right to judge tonight
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