Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
