Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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