she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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