at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize