ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
