Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
