Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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