He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
