Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
