So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
