I'm lost and stupid without you.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
