I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
