i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
