its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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