im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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